Your love language is your style of expressing and experiencing love. Knowing your love language will make it easier to have a successful and more enjoyable relationship.
Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” introduced us to the different ways romantic partners like to give and receive love. According to the book, there are 5 love languages, and each love language has its own traits.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Words are important!
The Dialogues
- Appreciative words
- Encouraging words
- Kind words
- Humble words
- Speaking well of them to others
- Writing to them
- Talking about their good qualities. Avoid nagging.
- Forgiving and let the past be history
- Making requests not demands
Ideas for a partner with this love language
- Record the words of affirmations you give to track yourself
- Set a goal to give your partner a different complement everyday for a month
- Look for good words of affirmations people use and note them
- Write a love letter, paragraph or sentence to your loved one
- Complement your partner in the presence of their parents
- Look for their strengths and tell them
- Tell your children how great their parent is, in front of them and behind their back
Love Language #2: Quality Time
Spending time with them
The Dialogues
- Give them your full/undivided/focused attention
- Talk, don’t complain, as you spend time with them
- Quality conversation (it’s all about what they are hearing)
- Quality activities (have interest, willingness, and reason)
- Maintain eye contact as they talk
- Don’t do something else while they talk
- Listen for their feelings
- Observe their body language
- Refuse to interrupt
Ideas for a partner with this love language
- Take a walk together and ask about their childhood
- Go to the park, ride bicycles, learn each other’s fave colors, etc
- Ask them where they most enjoy when sitting and talking to you
- Do something your partner enjoys but means little to you. If they ask why, tell them you’re trying to broaden your horizon
- Have a history review every now and then
Love Language #3: Receiving gifts
Gifts are expressions of love
The Dialogues
- Visible symbols of love speak the loudest
- Places great value on gifts and wears them with pride
- Without gifts, they may question your love
- Gifts may be purchased, found or made
- Gifts price may or may not matter, it’s more about the meaning behind it
- Don’t wait for a special occasion
- They might want you to change your attitude about money. Think this way: by spending on your partner, you’re investing in your relationship and filling your partner’s love tank
- Be there when they need you
Ideas for a partner with this love language
- Make a list of gifts your partner has expressed excitement about and take note of gifts they enjoy receiving
- Keep your eyes open for a gift idea
- Enroll in a class to make a hand made first
- Have a gift idea notebook
- Offer the gift of your presence
- Donate things in honor of your partner
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Doing things you know your partner would like you to do
The Dialogues
- They involve thought, planning, effort, time and energy
- They want you to help them around the home
- They want you to help reduce their workload
- They ask you to put away the trash, vacuum, clean, etc
- Might require you to examine gender roles so you can be nude helpful
Ideas for a partner with this love language
- Make a list of their requests, select one each week and do it
- Ask your partner to make a list of 10 things they want you to do, then ask them to prioritize it from most to least important
- Perform an act of service your partner has bagged you for
- Perform a major act of service, then post a sign that says “to (your partner)” with love “from (you)”
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
“To touch my body is to touch me.” “To distance my body is to distance me.”
The Dialogues
- Holding hands, kissing, breathing and touching are ways of expressing love
- Certain areas of the body are more special to touch
- Most sensitive area- tip of tongue
- Least sensitive area- the back of shoulder
- Other sensitive areas- the fingertip and the tip of the nose
- Not all touching is good, as they can also detect hostility
- The message from touch is much louder than words
- Touching them in a certain area after they complained that they dislike it passes the message that you don’t care about what they like
- The body is for touching not abuse
- Implicit love touching requires little time but much thought example kissing before going to work
- Unfaithfulness might signify physical touch as their love language
- If they don’t enjoy physical touch at other times other than sex, it might not be their love language
Ideas for a partner with this love language
- Reach out and hold their hands
- Let your foot drift and touch theirs
- Walk over to them and give them a shoulder massage
- Hold their hands in tough times
- Give them ‘welcome home’ hugs
- Come up with new ways and areas to touch, example touch them under the table
- Recall some no sexual touching times and recall what made them special
How to know your primary love language
Ask yourself:
- What your partner does that hurts you most. The opposite is what you want most.
- What have you most requested for?
- How do you regularly express love to your partner?
- What’s an ideal spouse to you?
- List your love languages in order of importance.
- Game: Record your emotional love tank throughout the day. At the end of the day, ask why it’s so.
P.s you might find it hard to discover your love language when your love tank has been:
- Full for a long time. You’ve received your ideal kind of love for so long in numerous ways.
- Empty for a long time.
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